Grayson Perry, Roch Maher, and the Bees

rebus

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I was unsure where to put this but I’ve just watched a deeply moving programme on channel 4 entitled Grayson Perry: Rites of Passage. It in part featured Brentford fan Roch Maher and his acceptance that Motor Nerone Disease will shortly end his life.

Grayson was filmed attending a Brentford home game with Roch last season (of which one I’m not sure) and also made him a memory jar that friends and family could contribute items to before he died.

An incredible programme which you can view on the All 4 app. The Guardian review link is below:

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp....3/grayson-perry-rites-of-passage-review-death
 

UnsungZero

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I was unsure where to put this but I’ve just watched a deeply moving programme on channel 4 entitled Grayson Perry: Rites of Passage. It in part featured Brentford fan Roch Maher and his acceptance that Motor Nerone Disease will shortly end his life.

Grayson was filmed attending a Brentford home game with Roch last season (of which one I’m not sure) and also made him a memory jar that friends and family could contribute items to before he died.

An incredible programme which you can view on the All 4 app. The Guardian review link is below:

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp....3/grayson-perry-rites-of-passage-review-death

The Brentford footage came from the Sunderland game last October. Grayson said it was the best match he had ever seen but went on to say he only ever been to one other ! The ceremony featured at the end of the programme took place at the beginning of February. Roch was a great guy.
 

Phreebee

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Thanks for putting this up, Rebus. I saw the programme and yep, it was moving and thoughtful. Despite the situation, the humour of Roch was extraordinary and the camaraderie that surrounded him is something I see around Brentford every other Saturday. I sat there thinking - that could be me. And Grayson Perry’s understanding of the role football plays in our lives was spot on.
 

liverbee

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I must admit that I have always regarded the way people dress as one of the more superficial aspects of our lives and cross-dressing a bit of shallow fun at best, especially when compared issues like gender, race and class and the nature of human existence. I suppose my surprise at Perry's ability to take my attention is part of his genius as a communicator. A great antidote to the Blackburn result. Well done Rebus
 

Banana

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Watching it now. What a fantastic programme.
 

abeeforever

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Watching it now. What a fantastic programme.

You're not wrong, Iv'e just finished watching it, what a cracking programme, whatever people say and think of Grayson Perry and his style/way of life, you've got to hand it to him, he knows how to get things over, a clever man indeed.
 

shouldbee

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I watched it the other evening and found it very moving. What a brave man and his wonderful supporting wife and family. I thought Grayson's approach to the subject was spot on.
 

nathanbee

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Got it on "series record". His humanity and ability to listen comes through so much of his work. His curation of the Summer Exhibition this year was brilliant.
 
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rebus

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I’m sure I saw a Bees design on Roch’s memory pot. It’s incredible to think a Turner Prize winner has created something BFC related, and in such a respectful way.
 

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I will be watching this as I love Grayson Perry. I was wondering how a Trans person would be received at a football match just last night. Grayson Perry is a cross dresser, not Trans, but I bet he was so cool and full of humanity that nobody was bothered and he got on fine.
 
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rebus

rebus

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I will be watching this as I love Grayson Perry. I was wondering how a Trans person would be received at a football match just last night. Grayson Perry is a cross dresser, not Trans, but I bet he was so cool and full of humanity that nobody was bothered and he got on fine.

He was in civvies, so to speak.
 

hughbee

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He was in civvies, so to speak.

I think he might only cross dress when he’s selling himself and is more the centre of attention. Have I got News for you is a different matter. In his finery he might have caused a stir but I think there would have been little hostility.
 

jlove

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I watched it originally as Grayson Perry is such a fantastic person and I was sure that he'd do the subject so well... it didn't disappoint and the BFC connection was really quite a surprise to me. RIP Roch, a beautiful man.
 

liverbee

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Grayson Perry is very much a man. He did an insightful programme on R4 on the nature of manhood. It was really edifying even though I see the cultural relationship between our species and nature in this fleeting moment of pyrrhic glory as the pressing issue. Love and respect are an important ingredient to any resolution to this manufactured problem and both Roch and Grayson have this in spades.
 

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I've got Grayson Perry's book The Descent of Man, and it's on my to read list. The blurb says it's about masculinity and challenging the outdated macho view of manhood. Anyone read it ?
 

johndub

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No, but I’ll look out for it.

Saw his exhibition at The Serpentine Gallery last year. Really interesting.
 

Chorlton Bee

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I've got Grayson Perry's book The Descent of Man, and it's on my to read list. The blurb says it's about masculinity and challenging the outdated macho view of manhood. Anyone read it ?

Started it but couldn't really get on with it, probably wasn't in the right frame of mind to read it, but the style of it is very conversational and it reads like reading the script of a tv programme, I don't consider myself as suffering from 'toxic masculinity' either

Really like him as an artist though
 

moribee

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Thsnkyou for putting this up. I know someone with the disease and I have never learnt to come to terms with it whst tbe person with it so strong and brave
 

Paul O'Brien

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Grayson Perry is very much a man. He did an insightful programme on R4 on the nature of manhood. It was really edifying even though I see the cultural relationship between our species and nature in this fleeting moment of pyrrhic glory as the pressing issue. Love and respect are an important ingredient to any resolution to this manufactured problem and both Roch and Grayson have this in spades.

I saw a similar programme with him and found both it and him excellent. I didn't expect to be impressed by him, but I was. I'd always felt Grayson was a show pony out for money, but I saw the other side of him in that programme.
 

DidntYouUsedToBee

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Bit shocked to hear Roch has gone. I used to chat with him at Griffin Park, never knew what illness was inflicting him but he never complained (apart from when the team played crap) :) R.I.P. Roch.
 

johndub

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I watched this on Catch Up this evening. A very interesting programme, well put together by Perry.
I didn’t know Ross Maher, but I found his ‘living funeral’ extremely moving. Very difficult to hold back the tears.
 

Gwenynen

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I have been privileged to call Roch a friend. He was intelligent, compassionate, articulate, very well read, a football fanatic and great company, hilarious right to our last football match together, QPR at home, in April.

We were always diagonally opposite at Griffin Park. Roch in the disabled section perfectly placed to report on action that end and on the opposition fans, me on the terrace. A group of us , often including his brilliant wife and fantastic kids,would then meet up in the Premier Inn to compare notes, put the world to rights and make good use of happy hour. Now generally the Premier Inn bar is a soulless place but not when Roch was in it, we had great times there, even if we were only there because it has the only truly accessible loo on the high street! The QPR match was pretty perfect as far as last matches go, lots of action, a pantomime villain and of course victory. A group of us went to the Premier Inn where we made the most of what we knew would be the last time our post match ritual would take place. There is no blueprint for going out with one of your best mates, having a laugh, debating Arsene's woes ( as Bees we inherited Roch from Arsenal ) knowing that he had decided to refuse medical treatment and would no longer be with us on Wednesday.

It is also hard to underestimate the role Brentford played in Roch's life. A long time Arsenal fan who lived locally so had a soft spot for the Bees and came along now and again started to come more and more often and eventually Brentford got under his skin. Last season he finally said out loud that if Arsenal and Brentford were to play he would want the Bees to win. Let's hope the boys can make it happen!! When other things were failing Roch could still come to football and meet with his mates, a respite from normal life ( as it is for most of the rest of us).

I struggle to sum up what a special person Roch was, even when he had a disease from which there only a series of deteriorations, increasing dependence on others and no question of improvement he was genuinely interested and caring about the comparative minute challenges the rest of us would occasionally air. After his diagnosis of MND Roch worked with NICE to improve treatment of MND patients, was a poster boy for Dignity in Dying and gave evidence to the House of Lords. He worked hard to ensure that others with MND get the best treatment available.

Last season Roch had a series of chest infections and had to miss a lot of games. My job was to send a text as soon as a goal went in, I have a Pavlovian reach for my phone as soon the ball goes over the line, but now with no purpose. The Rotherham game was both brilliant and heart breaking. All 5 times.

The living funeral was sad, funny, moving - Perry Grayson's jar was beautiful. The whole thing was beautifully conceived, I have no idea how Deirdre managed to remain so composed. There was shocked silence when Roch told of his decision to take action soon to end his medical treatment, we all knew what the outcome would be. Still we took a collective deep breath and got on with the business of enjoying the after party.
If Roch could handle 9 years of mnd the rest of us could surely manage a knees up.

When someone defines a timeframe as "soon" you have some poetic licence to put your own interpretation on it. I have been friends with Roch for about 20 years and he was football mad throughout, this may sound crass but it never occurred to me that he would choose to go before the end of the season. But now I can see his point, when Roch went we could still make the play offs, in his last few days he had the possibility of promotion to mull over and to have a little smile over.

I've written far too much, but end with raising a glass and toasting a wonderful man , who enriched my life, made me laugh and taught me some choice Irish expletives...to you Roch 🍺
 

wanderer paul

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A lovely post on Roch Maher. Thank you.
 

hypa123

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Gwenynen - a moving tribute. I never met the man, but it's good to know there are such people in the world.
 
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