Ok this is how I see it panning out.
Friday dawns grey and forbidding, by mid morning an ashen-faced bunch of dispirited losers clutching BFC kitbags lurks in corners of the forecourt.
Meanwhile in a torchlit chamber deep in the catacombs, as iron tongs are heated over an open fire, Lee Carsley lays prone and manacled to a rack. Brett Pittman; clad in his Torquemada looky- likey crimson and gold Spanish Inquisition costume, turns the ratchet as he briefs him of his future press responses.
His stifled screams are unheard on the forecourt. Around midday LC emerges, walking uncomfortably and blinking in the watery october sunlight; with a whimper he eases himself into his newly monogrammed seat without noticing the “peel off” lettering.
The bus pulls out and heads toward the NCR.
On the way up to Derby, Rasmus makes the lads stop off at the newly opened “National Museum of Sporting Trapdoors”.
Aptly sited at Barnet’s new, plagiaristicly titled stadium.
Memorable exhibits include the famous trapdoor stared into by Shteve McLaren during “umbrella-gate” and the blue and white annual QPR trapdoor which has recently been restored following overuse.
Sadly the England Rugby World Cup trapdoor is not on view as it is currently being stared into at Twickenham. The famous triptych of Colin W*nker, Happy Harry and Big Sam trap doors is much admired by all. As are the Portsmouth FC trap door with it’s refined quick release mechanism and a replica of the newly restored AFC Bournemouth trapdoor; the original of which is already being stared into by Eddie Howe down on the south coast.
On leaving they receive a timely reminder that before long they may well themselves be staring into the BFC relegation trapdoor they don’t pull their flipping fingers out.
Sufficiently admonished by the museum and spurred on by LC’s description of his experience in the catacombs on friday morning, the lads run out with the fear of God and red hot iron spurring them on.
Although they are totally disorganised, the Bees, through sheer blind terror are steam-rollering the Rams. We win a penalty and Marco blasts it 1-0!
Second half Sergi is like one of those wind up toys that runs around bashing into things, more by luck than judgment he wins us another penalty.
Rams 0 -Bees 2.
3 points and all’s well….LC reiterates to the press through clenched teeth that he is “loving every minute and in his dream job”.
Later that evening LC is admitted to Derby General and early on sunday has a still warm domestic poker removed from his arse.
26,877 with 642 bees celebrating a grateful point
