Explaining yourself to foreigners

[St Helens Bee]

Now that the season is over, it's the time of year I dread. When on holiday and you start talking to locals or other non-British holiday makers, inevitably the discussion will turn to football which is, after all, a global language. Then the horrendous moment when they ask who you support.

"Oh, a second division team you've never heard of".
"Who is that?"
"No, really, you've never heard of them".
"I might have, who is it?"
"Well, it's Brentford".

Followed by a look of complete incomprehension. I told you you'd never bloody heard of them! Worst of all, this is frequently followed by an inquiry into "who in the Premiership" you support. They genuinely cannot understand that I couldn't give a toss about the Premiership and I really am only interested in a 2nd division club. They also cannot believe that a mid season league game against Wrexham is far more important that the England-Germany world cup qualifier.

This scenario has been repeated so often that I try and avoid it like the plague. Sometimes I might deny liking football at all, but that is difficult to carry off when it's plainly a lie. Alternatively, I pretend I do support a Premiership side. This is very difficult. I've had to decide which side I find least objectionable and have come up with West Ham, but encountered difficulties when bullshitting some Danish bloke who it turned out loved West Ham. I was soon revealed as an impostor which did not go down well.

I'm going on holiday to Spain on Friday, so it's inevitable I need a plan of action for this problem. Any ideas?

 

[Bee H]

just drink non-stop full stop !

or alternatively, look for geezers wearing other Nationwide League shirts

 

[Gaz_Thomas]

Jump Up and Down On A Table Singing :

" WE ARE NATIONWIDE SAY WE ARE NATIONWIDE "

 

[howsie]

Smash his face in. Get the Bees known in Europe!! Only jokin!

 

[German Bee]

I have it all the time hear in Munich.I say Arsenal as a team they would recognize.
I tell my team is BFC but I follow The Arse as well.

 

[bigmac]

Last year i went on holiday to Kos and as tradition i got up and went for breakfast wearing my Brentford top and sporting a huge hangover. The greek waiter reognised it was a bees top and proceeded to start a conversation about second division football. What a top bloke !!

 

[Wise old Bee]

If you wear the Brentford shirt you usually get abuse from tattooed prehensiles in Newcastle strip who think you're from Sunderland. My son was on a ferry from Tenerife to Gomera last year wearing his shirt when a speed boat went past and three blokes were giving it the "Owusu" push the sky routine, class.

 

[Guildford Bee]

I was in Tenerife two years ago and wore my Bees shirt out one night and there were sh*t loads of Bees fans about.

I also wore out last year on holiday and was nearly attacked by some northern monkey who thought is was a Sheff Utd shirt.

 

[mhead bee]

What a familiar story!!!!

Honestly, you wont know them, followed by the vague look and the shrug!!
you then try to explain the premiership is here (holds hand eye level), the first division his here (holds other hand neck level), and then the 2nd is here, about chest level. Still no good and start to feel like a fool!!

 

[Wilmslow Bee]

It's difficult enough in this country, especially when I'm talking to Northeners, and those who don't really follow football.(often one and the same, ie Man Ure Fans)

"Who......, Bradford??" is a common response.

 

[pandora]

just tell them u support Man U...

 

['Ayes B]

Ignorant Northerners are the worse ''Brentford, is that in Essex?''

[This message has been edited by 'Ayes B (edited 09 May 2001).]

 

[Mr Tree]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Guildford Bee:
I also wore out last year on holiday and was nearly attacked by some northern monkey who thought is was a Sheff Utd shirt.</font>

try living in Sheffield

anyway, i have a solution!! don't talk to foreigners

 

[brentford_lad]

All part of the holiday experience!!
Usually a good laugh tho and I've had some strange drunken chats with various football fans.
Love to wear my Brentford shirt around on holiday and especially when visiting the local sports bar to watch the live match on Sky and then sit waiting for the results. Can be pretty embaressing as I found out when we lost 6-2 (?) in one of the first games of the season!! Doh!

 

[St Helens Bee]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by pandora:
just tell them u support Man U...</font>

 

[howsie]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by brentford_lad:
All part of the holiday experience!!
Usually a good laugh tho and I've had some strange drunken chats with various football fans.
Love to wear my Brentford shirt around on holiday and especially when visiting the local sports bar to watch the live match on Sky and then sit waiting for the results. Can be pretty embaressing as I found out when we lost 6-2 (?) in one of the first games of the season!! Doh!</font>

serves you right for going on holiday in the football season!

 

[Billy Bee]

When I was on holidat in Thailand I was wearing my Bees Shirt we went into a shop and the bloke goes What team is that?
I said Brentford? He replies
They play in Germany don't they?

I corrected him of his mistake but I thought maybe he knows something I don't, maybe Noades is moving us to Germany instead of Woking!

 

[Ace Face]

Billy Bee -- Don`t put ideas in his head you idiot.Our PR company are reading this.

 

[Santa Barbara Bee]

I wear it like a badge of honor -- anyone can support Premiership teams etc., but it takes real commitment and passion to support perennial losers like Brentford. Also tell them that it builds character and that's why girls are falling all over you.

 

[Mr Tree]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Santa Barbara Bee:
Also tell them that it builds character and that's why girls are falling all over you.</font>

that explanation ain't gonna work for me is it?

 

[Santa Barbara Bee]

In your case, Dan, it's that's why you're falling all over them.

 

[Aussie Bee]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Wilmslow Bee:
"Who......, Bradford??" is a common response.</font>

To right WB - Lot's of backpackers around these parts and that is about what 99% say when i tell them about my love for the Bees.

 

[Hungerford Bee]

Believe it or not this has not been a big problem in Indonesia. The most common reaction I get when declaring my allegiance is "oh yes, that's who /Herman/Holdsworth/Sinton/etc. used to play for isn't it?". Indonesians have a huge knowledge of and love for English Football. Its just a pity that they ca't play the game properly.

 

[Ace Face]

I slightly deviate(is that how you spell it), but on a holiday to Portugal with a group of 8 BEES fans. We were in a bar telling all the drinkers we were sailors from HMS Brentford moored just out of sight in the bay....I was the salad chef.

It went on all night, until someone said we saw action in a landlocked country.

 

[johnkav]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by St Helens Bee:
They also cannot believe that a mid season league game against Wrexham is far more important that the England-Germany world cup qualifier.
</font>

That Irish (?) commentator on Radio 5, the so-called home of sport, just doesn't get this, either. During some European final a couple of years ago when Man U were 1-0 down and five minutes left he said, laughing, something along the lines of "Here's a result just coming in: Stirling Albion 2 Forfar 1 [or something similar]" and added something like, "As if anyone cares." And he's supposed to be a footie expert?

 

[johnkav]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Wise old Bee:
three blokes were giving it the "Owusu" push the sky routine</font>

sorry to go off topic briefly, but why do we do that? how did it start?

 

[Fonzy]

It was in a programme or somewhere recently and when he was banging them in in div 3 he went ballistic when he scored once & he started lofting his arms and then we just followed on....

 

[Streetboy]

apparently to do with a garage dance?

and yeah, spent about ten minutes talking to some scottish bloke in a club in ibiza trying to convince him that bradford and brentford were two different teams.

 

[St Helens Bee]

Well, I'm off on holiday today so thanks for all your suggestions as to how to deal with the problem. All in all, I've decided to go with Howsie's original suggestion, which is that when asked by Johnny Foreigner who I support, I'll simply smash his face in with no discussion.

 

[Alex]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by St Helens Bee:
Well, I'm off on holiday today so thanks for all your suggestions as to how to deal with the problem. All in all, I've decided to go with Howsie's original suggestion, which is that when asked by Johnny Foreigner who I support, I'll simply smash his face in with no discussion.</font>

Good call

The simple plans are always the best

 

[West Wing]

BricklayersBee, Salad Chef because you are a ******!
I remember that tall story in Portugal. We all had Bone
Heads and proudly showed off our Brentford tattoos.
That geezer was well impressed and bought us a Big Beer

 

[Ace Face]

Anytime West Wing.

Any news on your liberty or the liberty of another individual... if you know what I mean.

 

[Voice from the Braemar]

a few years ago my good self and plonki bee were sitting in a bar in portugal when a p1ssed up grizzly dutch bloke came over and 'started' telling us how hard and mentle him and his mates on the Ajax F-Side were(notorious amsterdam hoolie firm)and that english teams were 'nothing'.
we decided to rise to his bait and started telling him how sh1t the dutch were when they travelled abroad(no mob and all in colours etc etc)and this went on for some time.
as he got more and more pissed we decided to play our trump card and pulled our sleeves up and showed him the 'infamous Brentford G_SPOT' tattoo's. he suddenly went quiet and backtracked about saying things about the english because he didnt realise we were 'really tough football fans with TATTOOS'.
he turned into a real puppy dog and wanted to buy us drinks and apolagise for everything he said.
bloody hilarious and probably still tells his dutch mates about the day he met Brentford G-SPOT(twinned with Ajax F_SIDE for ever no doubt!!)and lived to tell the story.

well, it was funny at the time..........!!!!!!