OK. This is how I see it panning out.
Bartek Sylwestrzak(who he?) and Gianni Vio (or he?) doze contentedly in the Jersey road office they share with Tom Bates (ditto). Bates is off down Majestic to get in their order before the Christmas rush. A thick layer of dust coats bookshelves full of training manuals. Their 28inch retina quality iMacs are draped in cobwebs, their box fresh Puma evoPowers lay unopened in the corner. Basically, they’re taking the piss. Big time.
Suddenly, the door crashes open. A robust, faintly ginger haired man strides in dragging a squealing Alan Macormack and Lasse Vibe by their ears. BS and GV are visibly taken aback.
“Which one of you two jokers is the set pieces couch?” he demands in a gruff brummie accent. Gianni raises a trembling hand. The man turns to Bartek “So you must be the one who gets paid to show players how to kick the ball, right? BS nods nervously in affirmation. “Right, it’s time to start earning your money!”
That said Dean Smith (for it is he) flings the two errant Bees towards the coaches and leaves…
The New Boss has arrived.
Back at GP, Peter Gilham is hanging up the Christmas lights in the hospitality suite and Kurt Pittman is decorating a tinsel tree. Rasmus is writing his cards and Phil Giles is pinning up mistletoe. DS walks through, “it’s a bit different
down here to Walsall”, he thinks to himself.
Up at Jersey road, the dilettante coaches work all week with the imprecise players. (Not before time some might say.) Eventually, by Friday, Vibe has grasped the concept of shooting past the goalkeeper as opposed to directly at him. Similarly Mac has realized that the ball tends to go in the direction in which it is kicked, and for a distance commensurate to the force employed. Basic stuff you may think, but plainly not to these two.
Match day dawns and Dean picks his first squad. One or two tweaks see Canos starting and happily both Josh and Maxim make the bench. As kick off approaches, the arriviste carpetbaggers from Buckinghamshire - what with Christmas shopping and that - have only meagre support in the Wendy House. But the loyal Bees faithfull have spurned the imprecations of their families and pack the other three sides of Griffin Park.
“He’s Deano Deano the brummie Mourinho” is their confident boast as the chosen one eventually locates the Andy Scott Memorial Dug-Outs and takes his newly monogrammed seat.
We kick off and hit the ground running. The lads have really taken their instructions on board and our passing game is reinforced by a more coherrant defence and better linking play. Every now and then Mac consults the notes given to him by the kicking coach just to make sure he has got it right. Vibe has taken the precaution of scribbling an aide memoire on the back of his hand. “Past the goalkeeper, past the goalkeeper; he repeats the mantra endlessly in his head.
After 15 minutes the training pays off, Mac puts Vibe through with a well-weighted ball, Vibe volleys in. In the second half Canos, whose enthusiasm seem boundless, chases down a loose back pass. 2-0. From then on we cruise to the whistle, MK haven’t got a clue and are reduced to long, inaccurate attempts on goal.
“Would you like a pint Karl, would you like a pint?” Chant the Ealing road as the visitors trudge off at the final whistle.
Us 2 – Them 0
After the match, having misconstrued our chants and not being in on the joke, Dean buys two pints of Pride; one for him, one for Robinson. As he walks across the room, he trips on the lead to PG’s Christmas lights, stumbles forward and drenches the hapless opposition manager from head to toe.
You couldn’t make it up.
9766, 632 from bucks
9k home support at best is very decent though 
