This year, we are of course, going to be awesome.
Anyway this is how I see the Rotherham match panning out:
Friday morning Jersey Road:
Deano stares vacantly at the object before him.
In his firm grip, the ceremonial BIC Crystal pen that has passed from hand to hand since Dave Webb went down Macro in 1996. Since then, consecutive managers have used it to write the team selection before pinning it to the noticeboard in the changing rooms just by the bogs.
All the signings of the good and great have been made with the same pen. The cap bears the tooth marks of Leo Rosenior. The little plastic button on the end still has a tiny bit of Martin Allen's earwax stuck to it. The point is scratched where Ron Noades tried to use it to open the safe and inside one can discern traces of the cocaine Betinho snorted up prior to his legendary single league appearance (defeat 0-3 to Norwich.). Most recently, Gallic maestro and heartthrob (err this bit can't be right can it?) Julian Jeanvier, has committed his future to the Mighty Bees with the same humble ballpoint.
Embodied in this cheap piece of plastic, the history, and the destiny of our proud club. The spirits of how many of our heroes dwell within this jewel-like prism?
And now Deano considers his role in the destiny of Brentford FC. Will his vision, his cunning, his guile now come good and enable him to pick a team that can actually win an opening league game?
Given the wealth of new talent at his disposal, one might reasonably expect so, but there again, "It's Brentford innit?"
Finally, after long reflection, he chucks the pen in the bin and uses a new Sharpie (available for £0.99p from Mr Singh's Corner Shop - proud to be BFC's stationery partner 2018-2019) to scribble down his choices on the back of an old betting slip, he folds the sheet and pockets it.
Friday afternoon, and a final light training session at Jersey road:
After Niel Maupay's unfortunate hamstring injury, Thomas Frank is taking extra care to avoid any late injuties. Despite his finest efforts, Ezri Konsa phones in from West Mid A and E where is being admitted with a nasty bout of blood poisoning following a botched "BEES" tattoo.
Deano jogs back to the portakabin and re-jigs the team sheet.
Saturday morning, Griffin Park:
Rasmus gets a call on his mobile from new-boy Said Benrahma. His newly acquired BMW Z4 3.0si (2006 model vgc only 160,000 mls, bought it off Shpock for £6k) has turned out to have been nicked two days earlier in Harlesden and a couple of rude boys have turned up and broken all his fingers before relieving him of the motor plus his Rolex and his Beats.
Deano re-works his list again while sitting on the bog.
Saturday 2.30, the pre-match warm up at Griffin Park:
Following Jeanvier's last minute international clearance, he runs out onto Griffin Park and immediately sprains his ankle when he trips over a pair of nickers thrown towards him by a star struck Buzz-ette. Deano gazes skywards. He curses the luck of Brentford, tears up his team sheet and tramples it into the emerald sward.... OMG! WTF.
The skies darken; deep, foreboding thunder rolls in the distance, then cracks above the stadium. A bolt of red lightning splits the summer heat...Holy Sh*t!!!
Save for the idiotic chanting of some away fans, Griffin Park has fallen completely silent (no change there then some might say).
Where previously was marked the centre circle, a scorched patch of blackened turf smoulders. Etched into the grass and clearly visible are the noble features of Harry Curtis (one for the older fans) pointing an accusing finger straight at our trembling Head Coach. Suitably chastened, a white faced Deano pulls himself together and picks more or less the team that played so well for most of last season.
Naturally Rotherham are *****, we pressure them until they disintegrate under Woods distribution, Romaine's deadly through balls, Sergi's speed, Olly's step overs and Emiliano's darting runs. Bentley only touches the ball once when he presents it to Emiliano following a superb hat trick; - one from a free kick, one direct from a corner and one cheeky lob over the goalie in the last minute of added on time.
Full Time
Us 5 and them - nuffink
After the game while the others celebrate, Deano spends Saturday evening going through the bin bags at Jersey Road until he finds you know what.
Good Times.
. 3-0 Bees.
