I'll Bee Damned
Basement dwelling virgin
Another bombshell!
In a shock move there are rumours that, despite enjoying one of the most successful seasons on record, the owner of the Griffin Park Grapevine, a chap called Banana, is set to shake things up and move to a less traditional, continental approach to message boards focusing heavily on the use of statistics and evidence.
The new approach is described by one insider as “a huge departure from the deep rooted and outdated approach of speculation, pontificating on subjects without any real knowledge and having opinions based on little more than a superficial understanding of the universe and absolutely no understanding of football. Going forward all claims and suggestions will need to be backed up by statistical proof and qualified evidence. No longer will it be acceptable to pass off an unproven suggestion as FACT.”
The evidence supporting this revelation can be found at this thread where the enigmatic & secretive Banana, who before coming to the GPG allegedly made his fortune in the City by speculating in the pork bellies market, has been dabbling with the dark arts himself
https://griffinpark.org/forums/showthread.php?t=115434
Inevitably, many of the individuals that have propelled the GPG towards the top of the league & been responsible for the esteem and respect with which it has been held are now seen as part of the old world and can look forward to being side-lined in favour of an emerging breed of GPGer more comfortable with the new approach.
One of the new regime’s first casualties, due to some of his more obscure views based, what some unkindly claim, on having never seen Brentford play & who appears to have been on gardening leave for some time already is Hypa123. The sometimes very public spats showed the difficult relationship Hypa123 had with the guy viewed as the GPG enforcer, a certain Northampton Bee. The cuddly but ever so slightly intimidating Northampton Bee is seen as being safe, as is his pal Kettering Bee, as no one dare say different and he does turn out a great paperback. Others considered safe are MickC for his eloquent but factual match reports, Jockbee for the accurate timekeeping of his match update thread & Ealing Bee who, infuriatingly for some, has a working knowledge of Wikipedia that is seen as invaluable to the new fact based approach.
Others in the frame for the chop are Bigbee who, despite making most people laugh with his dry and quirky sense of humour, is seen as too frivolous in a more modern system. He also changes the words in too many quotes which smacks of a predisposition to manipulating facts to suit his mirthful agenda, an approach which is seen as at odds to the new philosophy.
The new face of PR is likely to be Nick Logan. He spreads optimism like sunshine on a spring morning and is seen as the ideal person to handle the likely backlash these changes are going to bring. His assistants will almost certainly be The Pipe & Billy Hunt. The latter is a staunch believer in the new direction and has on many, many, many occasions expressed that he “likes” it.
A shoo-in for a role amongst the boffins is Ade211. His stats update and familiarity with web based info systems such as Squawka & Statto means he has been viewed favourably by Banana with, according to insiders, this young protégée being groomed for the top job one day (allegedly).
One guy that will divide opinion is the ubiquitous Hullbee. Considered by many as the acceptable face of trollism you can rely on Hullbee to shake people awake and challenge them. Will that be enough to secure him a role going forward or will he be viewed as a time bomb waiting to explode across the GPG with the next “t!t sucker” reference?
If Banana is not to be seen as just another despotic message board owner Markybee has to be spared. His dulcet tones and selfless efforts for charity (go here for a reminder https://griffinpark.org/forums/showthread.php?t=114464&highlight=cancer) make him indispensable.
A now infrequent visitor, abee, should be encouraged to remain although it is not clear if his inside knowledge of the facts of the past will be enough to save him and he may have to prove his current ITK status to have a chance of surviving the cull
Where the likes of SmiffyBee, Les Beeavinu, Brickie Chap, nocoat, sonofabee, pensioner & Doovster and many, many others (couldn’t be bothered to list them, eh?? – Ed) fit in is less certain. All have made invaluable contributions through many years of good service and viewed as stalwarts by most.
However, they are all likely to fall foul of one of the main KPIs being mooted as essential in measuring the contribution of current and future GPGers – the correct grammar per post percentage (CGPPP) for which a stringent baseline of 98.4% has been set. There is likely to be a new position of Grammar Guru, with a few in the frame for the job, although they will face a degree of scorn as this role, and the touted Smilie Coach, are considered fancy modern mumbo jumbo or “soppy American bollox” as one GPGer was quoted as saying.
Hobbsy can count himself safe too (if he ever gets back from the beach he keeps mentioning) as he can have all questions about Lionel Rd deferred to him such as “will there be hand sanitizers next to the falafel stand in the new stadium because Yolanda and I will not start supporting the Brentford Bees until we have reassurances – Sebastian C, North Kew!”
It is questions such as the latter that will soon infuriate & sift out some of the old guard GPGers. Those that don’t want tourists or glory hunters although at the same time want to broaden our fan base to ensure we fill a 20,000 seater stadium.
GPG curator Wanderer Paul is also said to be secure as his cataloguing skills and record keeping are qualities valued in the new regime (if seen as a bit “backward looking!”)
What will the new approach mean for some of the more “nit-picky” amongst the GPG brethren such as those that don’t rate Button because his distribution is generally first class but once or twice a game is “…a bit crap”? They’ll now have to justify that position with quantifiable statistics as will those that argue “we should play with two upfront” without demonstrating what percentage of goals are scored when teams play 2 up front compared to 1?
I guess people will have to choose. Will they embrace Banana’s bright new dawn of stats and facts or become extinct in the dark ages of the doom & gloom merchants versus the rose tinted specs brigade. One thing is for certain, whatever the future of the GPG is, it will still contain nuts!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Well, I was bored! Our owner hasn’t been demonised in the press for a couple of days and I missed the ill-informed, sensationalist publicity of recent times
All opinions are my own, aren’t meant to be critical, judgemental or offensive – I love you all but feel free to call me a tit. If I have left you out it won’t be for any particular reason – it all just flowed out onto the keyboard without much thought.
The new approach is described by one insider as “a huge departure from the deep rooted and outdated approach of speculation, pontificating on subjects without any real knowledge and having opinions based on little more than a superficial understanding of the universe and absolutely no understanding of football. Going forward all claims and suggestions will need to be backed up by statistical proof and qualified evidence. No longer will it be acceptable to pass off an unproven suggestion as FACT.”
The evidence supporting this revelation can be found at this thread where the enigmatic & secretive Banana, who before coming to the GPG allegedly made his fortune in the City by speculating in the pork bellies market, has been dabbling with the dark arts himself
https://griffinpark.org/forums/showthread.php?t=115434
Inevitably, many of the individuals that have propelled the GPG towards the top of the league & been responsible for the esteem and respect with which it has been held are now seen as part of the old world and can look forward to being side-lined in favour of an emerging breed of GPGer more comfortable with the new approach.
One of the new regime’s first casualties, due to some of his more obscure views based, what some unkindly claim, on having never seen Brentford play & who appears to have been on gardening leave for some time already is Hypa123. The sometimes very public spats showed the difficult relationship Hypa123 had with the guy viewed as the GPG enforcer, a certain Northampton Bee. The cuddly but ever so slightly intimidating Northampton Bee is seen as being safe, as is his pal Kettering Bee, as no one dare say different and he does turn out a great paperback. Others considered safe are MickC for his eloquent but factual match reports, Jockbee for the accurate timekeeping of his match update thread & Ealing Bee who, infuriatingly for some, has a working knowledge of Wikipedia that is seen as invaluable to the new fact based approach.
Others in the frame for the chop are Bigbee who, despite making most people laugh with his dry and quirky sense of humour, is seen as too frivolous in a more modern system. He also changes the words in too many quotes which smacks of a predisposition to manipulating facts to suit his mirthful agenda, an approach which is seen as at odds to the new philosophy.
The new face of PR is likely to be Nick Logan. He spreads optimism like sunshine on a spring morning and is seen as the ideal person to handle the likely backlash these changes are going to bring. His assistants will almost certainly be The Pipe & Billy Hunt. The latter is a staunch believer in the new direction and has on many, many, many occasions expressed that he “likes” it.
A shoo-in for a role amongst the boffins is Ade211. His stats update and familiarity with web based info systems such as Squawka & Statto means he has been viewed favourably by Banana with, according to insiders, this young protégée being groomed for the top job one day (allegedly).
One guy that will divide opinion is the ubiquitous Hullbee. Considered by many as the acceptable face of trollism you can rely on Hullbee to shake people awake and challenge them. Will that be enough to secure him a role going forward or will he be viewed as a time bomb waiting to explode across the GPG with the next “t!t sucker” reference?
If Banana is not to be seen as just another despotic message board owner Markybee has to be spared. His dulcet tones and selfless efforts for charity (go here for a reminder https://griffinpark.org/forums/showthread.php?t=114464&highlight=cancer) make him indispensable.
A now infrequent visitor, abee, should be encouraged to remain although it is not clear if his inside knowledge of the facts of the past will be enough to save him and he may have to prove his current ITK status to have a chance of surviving the cull
Where the likes of SmiffyBee, Les Beeavinu, Brickie Chap, nocoat, sonofabee, pensioner & Doovster and many, many others (couldn’t be bothered to list them, eh?? – Ed) fit in is less certain. All have made invaluable contributions through many years of good service and viewed as stalwarts by most.
However, they are all likely to fall foul of one of the main KPIs being mooted as essential in measuring the contribution of current and future GPGers – the correct grammar per post percentage (CGPPP) for which a stringent baseline of 98.4% has been set. There is likely to be a new position of Grammar Guru, with a few in the frame for the job, although they will face a degree of scorn as this role, and the touted Smilie Coach, are considered fancy modern mumbo jumbo or “soppy American bollox” as one GPGer was quoted as saying.
Hobbsy can count himself safe too (if he ever gets back from the beach he keeps mentioning) as he can have all questions about Lionel Rd deferred to him such as “will there be hand sanitizers next to the falafel stand in the new stadium because Yolanda and I will not start supporting the Brentford Bees until we have reassurances – Sebastian C, North Kew!”
It is questions such as the latter that will soon infuriate & sift out some of the old guard GPGers. Those that don’t want tourists or glory hunters although at the same time want to broaden our fan base to ensure we fill a 20,000 seater stadium.
GPG curator Wanderer Paul is also said to be secure as his cataloguing skills and record keeping are qualities valued in the new regime (if seen as a bit “backward looking!”)
What will the new approach mean for some of the more “nit-picky” amongst the GPG brethren such as those that don’t rate Button because his distribution is generally first class but once or twice a game is “…a bit crap”? They’ll now have to justify that position with quantifiable statistics as will those that argue “we should play with two upfront” without demonstrating what percentage of goals are scored when teams play 2 up front compared to 1?
I guess people will have to choose. Will they embrace Banana’s bright new dawn of stats and facts or become extinct in the dark ages of the doom & gloom merchants versus the rose tinted specs brigade. One thing is for certain, whatever the future of the GPG is, it will still contain nuts!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Well, I was bored! Our owner hasn’t been demonised in the press for a couple of days and I missed the ill-informed, sensationalist publicity of recent times
All opinions are my own, aren’t meant to be critical, judgemental or offensive – I love you all but feel free to call me a tit. If I have left you out it won’t be for any particular reason – it all just flowed out onto the keyboard without much thought.
